All About Women’s Underwear!
29 Jan 2011 1 Comment
in Being a Woman Tags: bra, panties, underwear, wedgie, women
Dear designers of fashionable women’s underwear,
Thank you for padding and pushing us with wire, lace, patterns, bows, and gravity-defying foam, making use of impossibly bright retina frying wundercolours of the fabric dye world, thus relieving us of the beige-white visible nipple topography that was an inevitable part of the boxed polyester wonderbra experience of our mothers and grandmothers.
Oh, but that’s just my exuberance for the top half! What you have done for the bottom quarter of the human population is even more phenomenal – what with your fancy low cuts and stretchy lace waistbands in an equally blinding selection of colours and designs in support of the general oppression of the granny panty stylings of the past.
However, I am wondering whose clever idea it was to create cute panties that have the unsavoury side effect of riding up into the darkest and most uncomfortable regions of one’s nethers at the slightest mention of extended movement or exercise? Yes, they look flirty and fantastic and cute and slightly provocative, but really, a fit yet miserable woman is truly an unattractive sight.
*pick, pick* 
<– No. I object.
I would like to propose an appropriate punishment for this torture device designer: a proper traditional tarring and feathering, to be promptly followed by the walking of a fairly long distance in said ridey-uppy panties, doing lunges at every kilometer marker, without the luxury of allowing him/herself to gingerly pick at the somewhat painfully wedged sweaty fabric of their unfortunate design. Yes. I think that should do.
Very well, I suppose I should end this letter cordially,
Cordially,
xoxo beverly
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