19 Feb 2012
by beverly
in Being a Woman, Dreams, headache & migraine
Tags: advil, birth control, dreams, fatigue, headache, migraine, pms, womanism
Womanism is confusing and traumatic.
In this quest to decrease the incidence of migraine, I am now off hormonal birth control.
Ovulation was weird.
Retaining water is weird.
Now I am super hungry and unable to stick to my diet.
Woke up with a vague fuzzy head/neck ache today.
Dreamt like crazy: at a random stuff exchange, I traded for a personal rain machine, which was voted the most useless invention of the year but one I thought was pretty awesome. When was the last time you really enjoyed a good drenching cold rain? I never do, but in this dream I did. I really did. I destroyed other people’s electronics, flooded every room I was in, and had a grand old time.
Couldn’t get out of bed till 11am.
It didn’t go away and just got worse.
Finally decided to cut it with 2XS Advil in the afternoon.
This time it worked. Thank goodness.
My limbs feel so heavy like they’re about to fall off.
And the whole super emotionally sensitive crying at stuff thing is starting.
05 Oct 2011
by beverly
in Achieving WIN, art, Dreams, Peculiarly Awesome, Tech The Crazy
Tags: apple, art, death, jobs, life, love, raw canvas, steve, Vancouver, yaletown
Steves in general are extraordinary. Steve Jobs was no exception. Why be ordinary? Change the world. Rest in peace.
Of course, the video of Steve Job’s speech at a Stanford commencement in 2005 was everywhere today, and as I had forgotten what he said, I watched it again just now. It hit me. Apparently it had also hit me when I had first watched it some time ago, because I can see how it has changed me since then:
I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. And don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don’t settle.
This past week, a good friend and I visited Raw Canvas in Yaletown to chat and paint. Twice. On Monday September 26th, and a week later, Monday October 3rd. Not knowing why, I felt like I needed to paint “Do What You Love, Love What You Do.”
Do What You Love, Love What You Do.
I still don’t know why.
But I know that these words and this painting resonated in my heart before, during, and after its painting.
Rest in peace, Steve. You’ve changed the world in this life, and you’ve changed me.
—–
On a sillier note, today, I really identify with Sirius Cybernetics Corporation’s Happy Vertical People Transporters with Defocused Temporal Perception… ie. the ability to see dimly (very dimly) into the future. When people around me get close to dying, I get very tired and heavy. I have to sleep. I hit the bed mid-day, have to sleep for a long time, and usually receive sad news soon after I wake up. Maybe it’s because I happen to take mid-day naps more than the average person, but really, it’s starting to get to be a trend. I know, correlation, not causation. But it’s happened about 4 times this year already.
22 May 2011
by beverly
in Dreams, Peculiarly Awesome
Tags: canucks, dreams, hockey
So it’s really silly, but it’s kind of fun when you dream something and then wake up and it comes true.
Today I fell asleep before the Canucks game, and right before I woke up, dreamt that they were up 4-0 at the end of the first. Then I woke up, and as I turned on the TV, air horns went crazy and I could hear people cheering in my neighbourhood.
I switched the TV to the game though it wasn’t the end of the 1st (It was already into the 2nd period), WOOHOO! The Canucks had just scored to make it 1-0. Kesler at 9:16 of the 2nd period!
Then they scored another goal almost right away! Salo at 10:55 of the 2nd period. 2-0. WOOHOO!
THEN THEY SCORED ANOTHER GOAL ALMOST RIGHT AWAY! SALO at 11:11 of the 2nd! 3-0! WOOHOO!
Then in the 3rd period THEY SCORE AGAIN! BURROWS at 5:43 of the 3rd!
YES. That made it 4-0 Canucks. Oh. My.
The Sharks then went on to score 2 goals, but HUZZAH the Canucks are now up 3-1 in the series! One more win and we’re on our way to the Stanley Cup.
Yay dreams.
08 May 2011
by beverly
in Being a Woman, Dreams, House and Home, Love and Marriage, Peculiarly Awesome
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams” – Dr. Seuss
Usually the best dreams come when my hormones are in a state of flux. Of course, sometimes this fluctuating hormone situation manifests itself as 1.) female hysteria, or 2.) really slow fuzzy minded incapacity to make even the smallest rational decisions or put together a decent sentence, both of which could be attributed, in most ways, to #1.
Well, hell. Bring on the flux.
I seem to intermittently blog about this every so often (yes, redundant wording, I know), but when one wakes up from something fucking amazing one can barely help typing it all out to get it all out and rejoice and bask in the sensory overload before it disappears forever. Dreams: Fucking Awesome Nonsense Extreme Realities. So yes, the dreams part of it is fucking amazing. Things happen in vivid technicolour, a singular old couch becomes the meeting place for every and all for an impromptu picnic, love happens, book characters manage to work themselves into the flux (yes, I do believe Arthur Dent and Fenchurch may have been there, flying through the night), the Canucks are amazing people and players, people come and go and are met with great fun, style, and curiosity, great pains are taken with small measurements, chicken breasts get cooked with a clothes iron (do try the steam shot function!), and all sort of ridiculous marvelous otherwise than perfectly usual nonsense.
Then I wake up.
Sometimes it’s a real letdown.
But today, I woke up to a plate of pancakes on the bed and James Blunt blaring on the living room stereo and a funny husband who made both happen, who then laughed and danced and loved with me.
So sometimes life happens in Technicolour too.
26 Jun 2009
by beverly
in Dreams, Health and Healthy Living, Mental Diarrhea, News, Personal, Simon Fraser University, Tech The Crazy, Web Design and Web Related
I declared last Sunday, on Facebook, that I would be going on Facebook hiatus. I didn’t say for how long, but in my mind, I’d be quitting FB and Twitter cold turkey for one week. I am 5 days into this experiment. I find myself resisting that URL address bar like an unsmoked half pack in the back upper corner of my closet, kept for emergency use only. Nagging at my mind every couple minutes. But mind you, I don’t smoke. Never have. I know my addictive personality well enough to not bother trying. Just thought it was an appropriate simile for habit breaking. But I haven’t faltered yet. Those links are everywhere, though. EVERYONE trying to be someone is on Twitter, to the point of ridiculosity. Well, not really…just businesses, oddly enough. CKNW, CNN, BBC Science, BBC Health, Daily Planet…(my personal favourites) …and there was that one week where everyone hopped the bandwagon at the same time. T’was an odd week.
But I couldn’t have picked a more interesting week to go FB/Twit free. I just couldn’t break the habit of thinking that my thoughts all needed to be expressed and thrown into some intangible online world, that, excepting global nuclear meltdown circumstances coinciding with the time of my death, will exist beyond me, providing that inactive accounts don’t get deleted after a certain period of time, and there isn’t a massive server crash affecting all the backup copies of my accounts…etc. SO…I took to writing down all my thoughts on index cards. GOD do I love index cards. For some reason of kinaesthetic x visual learning it works for me. And here are some of the thoughts that rampaged through a manic mind going through withdrawl. Actually, happily, this week seemed like one of those rare weeks that I wasn’t overly manic or depressive. Actually, no. I take that back. I may have thrown a temper tantrum on monday. But after that things seemed to clear up, mood wise. Hopefully it lasts a little longer this time.
From the index cards:
June 23 1700h: Fascinating that so many things – economic phenomena etc. can be described/explained by little lines on a graph. Really cool.
June 24 10ooh: How the hell did I injure my knee? Left inside tendon/ligament thingy sore upon awakening. Did I sleepwalk?
1110h: There are a lot of funny looking asian men in ECON103.
1230h: I really enjoy talking to professors in office hours.
1345h: Correction: I enjoy talking to ungrumpy professors in office hours.
1400h: For every short and cute asian woman that exists, there exists an equally short, not-so-cute-asian man.
1415h: When you can’t figure me out: The secret to women is that we say things we don’t mean and we mean things we don’t say. But not all the time.
1415h: Today I feel very happy and calm and content.
1710h: I am quite possibly…floored. On gradebook, if “MT” stands for midterm, I just got 34/34, i.e. 100%. WTF?! In CMPT120! And so far I have 100% in the course! This has Never Happened Before. Not even close. Never.
1734h: Just discovered my flash animations don’t work on the CSIL computers. Not pleased.
1756h: The secret to not being frustrated and irritated all the time…getting laid.
June 25 1000h: Farrah Fawcett died. Cancer. Brings out my fears. And Jon and Kate Gosselin are divorcing. Not that that matters to anyone except their kids. I hope deep inside that all people who die are at peace. I hope the suicide bombers and war criminals, and serial killers given the death penalty are all at peace. I hope the man who believes he will be rewarded with 72 virgins in the afterlife gets just that. If that’s the best thing he had going for him, I really hope he gets it.
1315h: I just get so fucking agitated at jerks like the guy who made a left turn from behind me while I was halfway across the street during my pedestrian walk light who then told me to look for traffic. It’s my walk sign, fucker! Concentrate on your own fucking half baked fucking driving, idiot!
1350h: playing piano really gets me unagitated. New “easy piano” piece yeah that disney song “A whole new world” from Aladdin. Love it and it’s just so beautiful and takes me away to a different time and place and imaginary life. Need to get a piano of my own so i can stop renting rehearsal space.
1425h: Low F + high GAC chord. Quite a nice way to end a song.
1700h: I had a breakthrough at singing class today. Lowered larynx + space + focus. Singing the exercise “Me-lia”. Letting go. Throwing it away. Fuck yeah. And going to McD’s inbetween rehearsing and class and thinking to enjoy fully and be present doing anything because it might be the last time I do that thing – gosh Steve cried last week when he ate a chicken nugget, having not had one for so long, and thinking that it might be his last. So I went and bought chicken nuggets today to remind myself to live. I couldn’t bring him any, though because he’s fasting, preparing for his colonoscopy tomorrow. And then I came home to find that Michael Jackson had died. What a day. What a week to choose to be facebook & Twitter free.
June 26 1117h: Watched Confessions of a Shopaholic and it wasn’t good. I am disappointed because I had been looking foward to that one for quite some time. Movies and people that try too hard to be funny are rarely really funny. The Make More Money scene ended up on the cutting room floor. All the essential bits of the story that made it a charming and funny story got cut out of the script. Nobody is sympathetic towards a woman who spends too much money (GUILTY!), but somehow the book made you identify so strongly with the protagonist, and the movie just did not succeed. Director needs lessons in directing comedy.
1440h: Been at Burnaby General Hospital since 1230. Steve’s colonoscopy today. yay. One year since we’ve been here for one the last time and we’re still where we began. Not pleased. Hopefully some answers.
1700h: +1 Medication for Steve. Prednisone. At least it’s cheap. + Humira starting ~2 weeks pending all clear from upcoming “urgent” MRI. Apparently the colonoscopy looked very different from last time. Some serious side fx on prednisone i hear. fuck.
1745h: Found out Lorena Gale (Priestess Elosha on BSG) passed away on June 21st. Shocked and saddened. Cancer. Found out Google, Twitter and Wikipedia etc crashed yesterday from too much traffic/too many edits. Again, I re-iterate. What a week to be Twitter and Facebook free.
1800h: Realized that I have this lifelong pattern of disillusionment with stuff. Note to self: write blog entry about disillusionment.
2143h: Made myself a little jar with little 1/8 index card chips inside with things to do when I don’t know what to do. Will pick one each time I find myself not knowing what to do and be just one minute more productive. Each task can be completed within one minute. I like this jar already. Note to self: write blog entry about this jar.
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So it’s really silly, but it’s kind of fun when you dream something and then wake up and it comes true.
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