July 13, 2012 – Upon a Mid-Night Awakening

13 July 2012 2am upon a mid-night awakening

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray in dreams my soul will keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray my dreams will forever take
Me to nowhere land

Where never before
Have dreams come true
What is truly nonsense
Feels like nothing new

Where everything that ever was
Will stay that way
And foggy days seem
just yesterday

That sinking feeling falling
Freely backwards heels overhead
Oblivion a twitch too close
Reality a hair too real

Fend off the predators
Fall madly in love
Make the unlikeliest of friends
Or all of the above

Such that it can’t be true
I would never believe you.

Just synchronization
Of day and night
Dear, it is alright
Dear, it is all right.

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June 29, 2012 – Poisonous Sleep

6:00am

Now what? Awake again, another crazy dream, another gray morning. And reality is just so much paler than the conjurations of the overnighting mind. To be released finally: a relief. The hangover: a reality. I feel like shit, as if the sleep had poisoned my blood, leaded vapors permeating my precious blood brain barrier.

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June 25, 2012 – Leaving Her Behind

5:30 am

Someone asked me this weekend whether it’s harder to get into character or get out of it. I said into. But now that it’s over, definitely out of. Fuck, she just doesn’t want to die. She’s afraid of dying. So afraid. Her short life keeps flashing before my eyes, making me relive every wonderful moment with painful clarity. I’ll miss her so much.

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June 24, 2012 – The Quickening

3:15am

The storm outside has passed and so has the one in my head. The lightning, gone. Blissful awakening, pain free. Revelatory dreams, had. Peace, acquired. It is the witching hour, and so the dawn chorus begins again.

My heart quickens, I will meet you soon. I feel when you are awake, I know when you’re in love. I don’t know you but you know me, so intimately that it terrifies me. Who are we, one, or two? Where do we go from here, this me and you? Our bloods intertwine, my every breath gives you life, and I am stunned every time you touch me. You are funny looking but your heart is beautiful and I can’t wait to meet you and look deep into your eyes and see your soul and suddenly i will be compelled to tell you exactly what I think of you. Goodnight, my love, for now we sleep. Together. Tonight. Not for long, but for now.

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June 20, 2012 – Where Have You Gone?

5:00am

Where have you gone?

I looked and you weren’t there. My dark side, my other self. There’s a gaping hole where you once were but there is no wound, just more like an empty socket. Like you just crumbled into dust one day and suddenly fell away. And in its place a sudden wellspring of love and positivity that just keeps bubbling all hours of the day and night. I see everyone for their best intentions, I see the good in everyone. Unencumbered by stress, sadness, anger, despair, resentment, pain… That’s also true. Suddenly i am pain free. Perhaps that is part of the miracle I don’t understand. Happy. All the time. Like a shift in equilibrium. The thermostat’s at a different setting. Not ruffled by much. The only tears I’ve shed in recent memory are those of happiness or upon encountering beautiful tragedy.

So this is what it’s like to be happy. it’s so new and unfamiliar and I hope the feeling lasts forever.

I want the best for you and you and you and even if I don’t really like you I want you to be genuinely happy

I don’t understand what’s going on but I’m here for the ride. Life, take me where you may.

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