June 25, 2012 – Leaving Her Behind

5:30 am

Someone asked me this weekend whether it’s harder to get into character or get out of it. I said into. But now that it’s over, definitely out of. Fuck, she just doesn’t want to die. She’s afraid of dying. So afraid. Her short life keeps flashing before my eyes, making me relive every wonderful moment with painful clarity. I’ll miss her so much.

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June 24, 2012 – The Quickening

3:15am

The storm outside has passed and so has the one in my head. The lightning, gone. Blissful awakening, pain free. Revelatory dreams, had. Peace, acquired. It is the witching hour, and so the dawn chorus begins again.

My heart quickens, I will meet you soon. I feel when you are awake, I know when you’re in love. I don’t know you but you know me, so intimately that it terrifies me. Who are we, one, or two? Where do we go from here, this me and you? Our bloods intertwine, my every breath gives you life, and I am stunned every time you touch me. You are funny looking but your heart is beautiful and I can’t wait to meet you and look deep into your eyes and see your soul and suddenly i will be compelled to tell you exactly what I think of you. Goodnight, my love, for now we sleep. Together. Tonight. Not for long, but for now.

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June 20, 2012 – Where Have You Gone?

5:00am

Where have you gone?

I looked and you weren’t there. My dark side, my other self. There’s a gaping hole where you once were but there is no wound, just more like an empty socket. Like you just crumbled into dust one day and suddenly fell away. And in its place a sudden wellspring of love and positivity that just keeps bubbling all hours of the day and night. I see everyone for their best intentions, I see the good in everyone. Unencumbered by stress, sadness, anger, despair, resentment, pain… That’s also true. Suddenly i am pain free. Perhaps that is part of the miracle I don’t understand. Happy. All the time. Like a shift in equilibrium. The thermostat’s at a different setting. Not ruffled by much. The only tears I’ve shed in recent memory are those of happiness or upon encountering beautiful tragedy.

So this is what it’s like to be happy. it’s so new and unfamiliar and I hope the feeling lasts forever.

I want the best for you and you and you and even if I don’t really like you I want you to be genuinely happy

I don’t understand what’s going on but I’m here for the ride. Life, take me where you may.

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June 17, 2012 – A Dream of Clarity

6:30 am

A dream of clarity
I value art and perspective and respect strength in creation
Art will be with me wherever I go, the lover I hate but always I go back for more
I fear indifference more than fear or hatred
I feel loved and want you to feel love too
Let’s walk together and talk together and drive in cars without drivers
Let’s see the world for what it is, the neighbourhood of our creation
Let’s remember the things that make us good and put the rest to rest
Let’s fly a little and imagine more and more I will understand.
Let’s smoke and walk and drink and talk and feel what ought to be felt
For the time draws near when no more will appear
And then I will be old
And forget
And you will have to remind me
You will have to hold my hand
And tell me why you love me.

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February 14, 2012 – Valentine’s Day

A decidedly unmushy day:

Feb 14, 2012 - Bound and Gagged - Bonus points if you know what PLU #4080 is

Feb 14, 2012 - Bound and Gagged - Bonus points if you know what PLU #4080 is

Feb 14, 2012 - Care package from Mom sent with Dad who flew in to YVR today

Feb 14, 2012 - Care package from Mom sent with Dad who flew in to YVR today

Feb 14, 2012 - Lobster Congee at Kalok Restaurant in Richmond

Feb 14, 2012 - Lobster Congee at Kalok Restaurant in Richmond

Feb 14, 2012 - Guess what these are? Duck Tongues.

Feb 14, 2012 - Guess what these are? Duck Tongues.

Feb 14, 2012 - Dad with the 86 Tercel. He bought this car a few months before I was born.

Feb 14, 2012 - Dad with the 86 Tercel. He bought this car a few months before I was born.

Feb 14, 2012 - Air Care Fail - Emissions were fine but the gas cap failed

Feb 14, 2012 - Air Care Fail - Emissions were fine but the gas cap failed

Feb 14, 2012 - Important Drinks To Keep in One's Locker: Hydration, Fuel, Emergency Fuel

Feb 14, 2012 - Important Drinks To Keep in One's Locker: Hydration, Fuel, Emergency Fuel

Feb 14, 2012 - dear charities, please stop fucking wasting the money we give you. 1 week. 200 mailing labels

Feb 14, 2012 - dear charities, please stop fucking wasting the money we give you. 1 week. 200 mailing labels

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