July 13, 2012 – Upon a Mid-Night Awakening

13 July 2012 2am upon a mid-night awakening

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray in dreams my soul will keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray my dreams will forever take
Me to nowhere land

Where never before
Have dreams come true
What is truly nonsense
Feels like nothing new

Where everything that ever was
Will stay that way
And foggy days seem
just yesterday

That sinking feeling falling
Freely backwards heels overhead
Oblivion a twitch too close
Reality a hair too real

Fend off the predators
Fall madly in love
Make the unlikeliest of friends
Or all of the above

Such that it can’t be true
I would never believe you.

Just synchronization
Of day and night
Dear, it is alright
Dear, it is all right.

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June 17, 2012 – A Dream of Clarity

6:30 am

A dream of clarity
I value art and perspective and respect strength in creation
Art will be with me wherever I go, the lover I hate but always I go back for more
I fear indifference more than fear or hatred
I feel loved and want you to feel love too
Let’s walk together and talk together and drive in cars without drivers
Let’s see the world for what it is, the neighbourhood of our creation
Let’s remember the things that make us good and put the rest to rest
Let’s fly a little and imagine more and more I will understand.
Let’s smoke and walk and drink and talk and feel what ought to be felt
For the time draws near when no more will appear
And then I will be old
And forget
And you will have to remind me
You will have to hold my hand
And tell me why you love me.

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October 30, 2011

1:28 am

My womb is empty
My hands still warm
Purchase complete
No star to be born
Arms go numb
From laying on them.
A sad reality
Another month gone
No husband beside me
No one to mourn
When it sets in
We all will die
How will I die
How will I live
My child will choose
The time of night
The day the hour
For its first flight
To far and back
Yes it is all planned
Set in stone still warm
Not fully formed
The cry in my heart
The grief the keen
The cough the ash
of things unseen
A spore released
Well meaning or not
It came out wrong
All for nought
A new beginning
A wish come true
Unsure I am
Between me and you
I’m dripping melting away
Like wax of roman candles
Dusty and grey
Smile freely yet sadly
Another month gone
When the time is right
Another will come
In the dead of night
You will feel the wind
Another one missed
Another will win.

I’m Afraid

I’m Afraid

I’m afraid that it’ll be cliche
I’m afraid that it won’t be art
Maybe i’ll never be
The centre of controversy
Public enemy number one on the hit list
Something remiss? The look in your eye says
You’ll never be the first in line to buy
Because it’s just not good enough to be
Art, I’m afraid…that it’ll be cliche.

a good sparkling muscat

there is a bottle of sparkling muscat by my clock
that reads, almost one
dark. inviting. wrapped in pink foil.

rimmed with gold.

pop a cork in one ear and out the other
that’s the way we dance around
the mulberry bush
joyfully seeking pleasure
knowing where to find it
trying to resist it
knowing it will make us sick

tomorrow crying into the phone.

it was on impulse that i purchased you,
you were pretty and came highly recommended
at an honourable establishment
you were chosen for me by
one who had already tasted your pleasures.

they say you’re bubbly.
they say you’re sweet.
they say your fragrance is intoxicating.

and there you wait for me,
and there I will keep you,
bottle of sparkling muscato
Petale,
Il vino dell’Amore,

my love,
by  the clock that reads a little past one.

love, love, love…love…

I am reading the “missed connections” section on Craigslist, and Ooh…it’s a treasure trove of stories, a resting place for hopes and imagined futures. It’s like reading novels, and catching a glimpse of someone’s deepest wishes for love, lust, or maybe just another chance at a real connection with another human being.

A place to strike a flare and hope that the one person you need sees it before it fizzles out.

I saw you here
you don’t know me
you’re gorgeous
you knocked my socks off
you stopped me dead in my tracks
i miss you
it’s been __ years
i briefly looked into your eyes
you deserve better
i know it’s a long shot, but
maybe coffee sometime?
i see you on the __ bus all the time
maybe it’s time for a real chat
you shyly smiled
that was the last i saw of you
let’s do coffee
i bet you read these ads
i still think about you
we could
i doubt you’d check a site like this
but if you do
you helped me at the ____ store
last night i kept running into you
where are you?
we exchanged some smiles
i bummed a smoke off you
yes. you should call.
we might have missed out on something
if you get this
i bought you a coffee
i really wish i said something
not coffee that’s cliche
we made eye contact
i miss you so much that it hurts
let’s chat about more than just
was i wrong about the connection i felt?
should i call we are both attached
wish you’d somehow see this
jess i’m sorry
i still look into my old mailboxes

tick tack
tic
tack
clack
clack

type away in your coffeehouses
share with me your dreams
i will listen

where is the desire…

…to sleep?

am i tired and not sleepy
or
am i sleepy and not tired?

either way
I say

surplus them all.
drown them in a crashing wave
shoot them
aim for the lighthouse
miss.

heather grey fading to black
i seek you.

faraway apartments with your lights still on
i just saw your light turn on
the brightest of them all
three floors from the top
do you share my thoughts
do you have to run to the bathroom
do you suffer from nocturia
why are your lights on

brighter in my blackout than i am blinded
framed by the darkest rims of light
induce the illusion
bring the rain
the inappropriateness
of that phrase
is well documented
in the peak.

new pillows lined up in pairs.
old waterbottles lined up in pairs.
curtains tied up in pairs.
to let the light in.
202 the time is it the right time
everything keeps turning
fighting to stay still

the constant tap of the drip
has driven me to edges in the months passing
enough to make me move
to twitch to scream to tap right back
because i think it’s you tapping on the other side of the wall
a faceless neighbour in a rental building
but no it’s not you
it’s not you my faceless neighbour
it’s not your pencil tapping your desk
it’s not you with a small hammer at all hours of the night
it’s not my keyboard
it’s not the right harmonic frequency to shatter
no they don’t match
they just come and go and sometimes they come back and that’s when they decide to renovate.

just let me continue
to peck and write without thinking
to let my fingers do the walking
do the talking
to the docking fo the ship
about to set sail to the vast unknown
where anything is possible
where nothing hides behind closed doors
where everything is seen. everybody

your light is still on.
are you on vacation? have you set your light on a timer
and mixed up am pm it’s not simple
i admit it’s not
you’re just a small candle
brighter than the other ones in the low horizon sky.

i can’t see you but i can see your light.
go to sleep now.
go to sleep now
you’ve had your fill of dream for a waking day

it’s not that deep
it’s not as deep as you think
close your eyes and sing
a lullaby for lucy recall everything from the past seasons change
they must fade they all fade and when they do
i remember them the next time
in brilliant detail in glow

be peaceful. be poisoned.
be awake when you are called and not before.
cross my path and i’ll cross yours

in dreams we’ve got hours to talk
don’t frustrate me

fly.

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