Bad times one

5:43 am. Child not sleeping. crying in other room. husband has tried to put her back down repeatedly. I have already fed/sang her back to sleep twice this night too. Monday morning. One paper and poster due by thursday. Leaving for Mexico on Friday for an ill-timed destination wedding which my husband is in the wedding party for. Forget about the other paper. Still annotating data for paper 1. Complete and utter FML.

Today is my daughter’s first birthday.

There’s this cantonese saying that a fellow student described to me last week.
Translated, it goes something like

“Even dragon meat has no flavour”

It’s my daughter’s first birthday. I’m going to Mexico on Friday for a wedding.
These two very wonderful things that need wholehearted celebration are just dusted with toxic soot. 

In what twisted universe was doing grad school with a baby a good idea? In some miracle alternate universe where I have one of those happy go lucky babies that sleep and eat and don’t mind strange caretakers and don’t get sick seven times in 4 months and are just generally all around chill, and where I am superwoman and don’t need sleep and don’t get migraines and don’t get frazzled by anything. 

So that didn’t happen. I have a very intense, spirited child. I need sleep. I get migraines. I get frazzled, especially by all of the above. 

Happy, birthday, baby E. You are wonderful. Now go back to sleep, please. I need to get another hour of work done. 

…Choose to run deep inner peace circuitry…choose to run deep inner peace circuitry…

I’m not dealing well.

I am afraid of tragedy

I am afraid of tragedy.

I am afraid of tragedy.

Also, I had another migraine last night. Felt it coming on when the baby was put to bed around 9. Went to sleep with earplugs to try to kill the headache. Hubby woke me up at 11 when he came to bed. Migraine had turned into a full blown one, contrary to my hopes with the abortive sleeping attempt. Downed a Cambia and laid in bed, with every small toss and turn of hubby feeling like rough seas…prayed for the meds to kick before the nausea would inevitably cause vomiting. Fell asleep. At some unknown time afterwards, hubby woke me up again and asked how I was feeling, because the baby was very awake and inconsolable (unbeknownst to me…good earplugs). Nursed her in bed and everyone slept poorly until morning.

Baby is continuing her experimentation with plosives – /ba/, /be/ for words that start with b, especially “bird”, “bear”, and “baby”, and this morning she was saying /t/ and /d/ over and over again whilst just sitting in the bed. We think she has also mimicked “fish” and “nap” and “dog” (sounded a bit like /ot/), and she also says dada and mama though not always to the right person yet.

All the better to bite you with, my dear.

Tooth number 7 made its appearance yesterday.

No I didn’t get much sleep the night before because she was frequenting the 24 hour all-you-care-to-drink open bar.

No, I didn’t get any work done this long weekend, but thanks for asking

It was a wonderful weekend with the kiddo all to myself while hubby went galavanting in Vegas for the stag party of a good friend of ours.

We did circle craft twice and had lots of fun. Also discovered she is able to CLIMB things. Holy crap. I turned away for a second and suddenly she was sitting IN the stroller in the hallway. LOL!!! I caught it on video the second time she did it – it took her all of 5 seconds.

She is also practicing her voiced bilabial stops – /be/ and /ba/ for all the b words – bird, bear, baby, sometimes pointing too. Pointing everything, actually, and very specifically. Clapping. Smiling. Laughing. Pushing boundaries. Waving bye bye.

Putting/throwing things away (this is my FAVOURITE THING EVER) – she is now at the stage where she can put things away in their bins and throw things away. I give her her dirty diaper all wrapped up and open the garbage can and she drops it it and waves bye bye to it. It’s the cutest thing (AND SO PRODUCTIVE she’s finally doing something useful). She is extending this to putting things away – her books on the shelf, toys back into the bin… basically anything I ask her to “PUT AWAY”. Did i mention this is the best thing ever? Oh yeah. Best thing ever.

It was mostly wonderful.

The only horrible horrible thing (besides the sleep thing, but that’s a work in progress) is that all weekend, I was thinking about the work I had to get done and how undone it was, and how much more undone it was becoming every second I was not doing it. That really sucked. The weight of the work being more than the work, and really undoing the wonder and wonderfulness of every present moment as it passed, despite my best mindfulness efforts.

What a terrible way to live. I decided right then and there that next semester I am going to say no. No TA work. cutting back my RA contract. I want to be able to have time to enjoy things when I want to and need to enjoy them. I want to not be thinking about work all the time. I want to have the flexibility to get sick or not get sleep if that’s what happens, and have it not result in catastrophic (first world problems…global warming ack) consequences.

I want to not have a panic attack every time I think about work, basically.

I need to be able to rest.

Go. The. Fuck. To. Sleep.

If only this child could understand how difficult it’s going be to get two naps a day and a full night’s rest as an adult, maybe she wouldn’t complain so damned much about sleeping.

I’m exhausted and emotionally just done. Fried. And it’s not even noon yet. Good god.

Goodbye lactational amenorrhea

You were the best thing ever.

goodbye lactational amenorrhea...you were fun while you lasted.

goodbye lactational amenorrhea…you were fun while you lasted.

Phillips 2013 – On the nature of island constraints – the parasitic gap!

I’m presenting this paper in my graduate syntax class next week and I thought this was funny, so I drew it out.

From C. Phillips, 2013. On the nature of island constraints.

From C. Phillips, 2013. On the nature of island constraints.

Away, away, on a magic carpet, away!

This sentence was in my syntax textbook. It sounds wonderful.

The students decided that after they passed the test, they would take a trip on a magic carpet.

The students decided that after they passed the test, they would take a trip on a magic carpet.

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