July 5th, 2012 – Rough Cut

So I got to see the rough cut of FANTOMES for the first time today. Weird. Just cannot get used to seeing myself on camera.

So the one liner description of the film goes something like this: “Fantomes — about a black ops agent dealing with her unexpected pregnancy while on a routine job with her partner. Directed by Nik Green of Global Authority Media. Produced by Nik Green (Global Authority) & Yvette Lu of Rainfield Films. DOP Shane Smith of Red Salt Productions.”

And back to real life, where though I am not editing the film, I am still editing video for my project at the LABlab. EDIT ALL THE THINGS!!!

And now, a screenshot of my character, Amber, looking pensive:

FANTOMES: Amber | Global Authority Films | Rainfield Films | 2012

FANTOMES: Amber | Global Authority Films & Rainfield Films | 2012

June 25, 2012 – Leaving Her Behind

5:30 am

Someone asked me this weekend whether it’s harder to get into character or get out of it. I said into. But now that it’s over, definitely out of. Fuck, she just doesn’t want to die. She’s afraid of dying. So afraid. Her short life keeps flashing before my eyes, making me relive every wonderful moment with painful clarity. I’ll miss her so much.

20120625-100749.jpg

“ActorsWest Casting Director Events” Review

Holy Crap! I don’t know when or how I ended up on their mailing list, but I’ve tried to unsubscribe THREE TIMES from their mass email that seems to arrive in my inbox every few days…Once today (Dec. 8th), once November 29th, and once before that. I have NEVER attended one of their workshops, NEVER requested information, and DO NOT live in California, where it looks like they’re based.

“To unsubscribe, reply with remove in the subject line”

And I’m still getting their spam. I wish they would fuck off already. And that’s my review of “ActorsWest.com”.

Update: May 2009

Whew. Just wrapping up a few of the most chaotic, stressful weeks of my life. But all is very good right now.

Steve: recovering from surgery. Taking it one day at a time. Oh we had our first wedding anniversary late in April! Yay!

ELAN Awards: 2009 is done and done. The producers are getting the ball rolling for 2010.

Acting: Performed as a french-accented character from the 17th century at the Moonlight Masquerade fundraiser for the Giovanni Bastone Foundation last week, raising money for BC Children’s Hospital and childhood cancer research. One of the funnest performing gigs I have ever done. Thank you to David C. Jones and the Laughter Mission Society for hiring me once again!

School: Back at SFU for my first full semester in 4 years. Yes, it has been that long. It’s great though. This time around, I am determined to not allow myself to get into a habit of falling asleep in class. Also very annoyed at teenagers who chatter through lectures and pack up early. How disrespectful.

Art: SFU Linguistics department hired me to do cartoon drawings for an experiment. A real challenge for me, because I don’t draw people! Ever! But the steep learning curve was good for me, and I’m proud of my work.

BC Politics: Did my part and voted at 8:30 in the morning, reminded everyone on facebook etc! Cannot believe the voter turn out – less than 50%?? How pathetic! Mandatory voting and $300 fine NOW. Those that don’t vote don’t have the right to complain.

“I don’t know the issues” excuse is not valid. Go and find out about the issues – it doesn’t take that long.
“I didn’t have time” excuse is not valid. Make time. Vote early. You are entitled to time off work:

From Elections BC website: “You are entitled to four consecutive hours off from work between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. on General Voting Day if you are an eligible voter.  It is up to your employer to decide when during the day you can take this time off.  It is illegal for your employer to deduct pay or penalize you for taking time off to vote.  Employers and employees are encouraged to work together so that all eligible voters can vote without disrupting business operations.”

“I didn’t get around to it” excuse is not valid. Voting is an action. You can’t just sit around all day and realize at 7:50pm that you don’t have time to get to the elementary school 2 blocks away.

This sort of inaction really frustrates me. Even in an election where the choices are generally unsavoury either way, you must still get involved! What will it take to get the young vote out there?

Maybe I should run for politics. Would people vote for me? In any case, I’m really feeling the urge to get more involved in something non-partisan, encouraging people to vote. BAH!

For A BLT Sandwich

For the love of BLT sandwiches!!!

Since Saturday, I haven’t been able to feel anything. This Is Our Youth (i was stage manager) finished its run at the Havana Theatre on Saturday, and I filmed a program called “Silent No More – Stop Violence Against Women” on Sunday, in which I was sexually assulted in a date rape situation. I literally could not feel anything, emotionally. It was like I was inside a thick glove, and couldn’t feel happy or sad or anything, really. I felt the pain, but the tears were not happening. Something happened to me on saturday that made me just unable to feel anything. I guess I was just shocked that the run of the play was over.

Until today.
The first day of school. 3 years away from SFU and today I’m back.

Today, I ordered a sandwich from Raven’s Cafe(teria) at Simon Fraser University.
A toasted BLT on brown bread, with 3 circular slices of dill pickle on the side (they’re free).
I then went to pay for it at the cashier.

She did all sorts of fancy button pushing on the machine, talking on and on the entire time, saying, if I enter it this way, it’s $5.34 instead of $5.36 and you save two cents blah blah blah. I really wasn’t following her because on the menu my BLT was $4.10 including GST, and I had no idea what she was going on and on about. So, being me, I asked for a receipt (had to ask twice), to figure out what was going on, after the fact, so that I would have a record, in case I was being overcharged.

After I re-checked the price on the menu at the counter, it turned out that I WAS being overcharged, so I went back a couple of minutes later to get a refund.

Apparently, there are two types of BLT sandwiches, and it depends which counter you order from: the burger counter (toasted – the one I got), or the sandwich counter. The burger counter BLT costs $4.10 including tax, and the sandwich counter BLT costs $5something (apparently either 5.34 or 5.36, according to the lady, according to how she enters it into the till).

Who would’ve figured? Not me, that’s for sure.

So then, the lady says to me, “that’s why I asked you which one you got!” .
When she asked me this in the original transaction, I remember saying, “It’s a BLT”.

So THEN, she makes this consternated thinking face, and tries to figure out how in the world she’s going to refund the money because it’s already in the computer (I guess they don’t get food returns too often), eventually saying that she’s going to go ask someone in the back office, and for me to wait at the counter.

She disappears, and I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And I tell two people that I’m waiting for a refund because they’re wondering where to pay for their food because there’s nobody at the till.

And wait.
I swear she was gone for 5 minutes.
Like, long enough to take a really luxurious bathroom break.

Then she comes back, saying that the lady in the back will try to change it in the computer system. So she takes my receipt, and starts scribbling on the back. “5.34 minus a dollar (something i don’t remember what she was writing down…i shall call it “X”) difference is a dollar (something I shall call this “Y”) but since I already gave you sixteen cents change that comes to a dollar oh-eight”.

At this point, it’s my turn to look at her with this consternated look on MY face, thinking, “why are you factoring in what change you gave me?” BECAUSE, of course, obviously, it doesn’t matter how much I originally gave her, as long as she gave me the correct change the first time and I paid her a grand total of $5.34. So I ask her to explain again. So she explains whatever her method is. To me, it was obviously not correct.

In my mind:
It should’ve been 5.34 (incorrect price charged) minus 4.10 (correct price) equals the change she owed me.
It should’ve been VEEEEERRRRY simple math.
She should be GIVING me $1.24.

What she was explaining:
5.34 minus the difference minus the 16 cents change i already gave you means that I owe you a dollar oh eight.

And then, she looked at me, and said, “You’re getting this? “
Me:”No…”
Her: “What don’t you get? You’re in school, right?” and proceeds to explain her whole method again, to my stupefied face.
As if I’m stupid. She explains it all again, as if it’s totally correct and I’m just not getting it.
Her: “You still don’t get it? What do you want?”
Me: “All I want…is to have lunch”.

So I took the $1.08 that she gave me (a loonie and 8 pennies, no less) and wandered over to where Steve was waiting.

And then I put down my sandwich on the table
And then I walked outside to the patio (empty)
And then I screamed, AAAAAAAGGGHHHHH to the mountains.

And then I came back in and apologized to the people that had stopped eating their lunch to look at me, checking me out to see if 1. I was crazy 2. If I was alright 3. If they should run for their lives.

And then I sat down, and promptly started feeling.
And the tears started flowing
And I experienced all the pain and trauma that had been shut off since Saturday.

And I couldn’t eat my sandwich.
Maybe I just don’t like being told I’m wrong and being made to feel stupid, when I know for a fact I am not wrong.

So Steve went up and sorted it out with her because I couldn’t deal.
Eventually, she came over to our table with the correct change, after consulting with somebody in the back room.

I couldn’t stop being very upset. All for a BLT sandwich. And the 16 cents that she couldn’t see was missing.

No, not just for a BLT Sandwich.
For the play that ended Saturday (great run, just stunned it was over)
For the experience of being sexually assaulted (an acting role, not the real thing)
Okay, maybe a little bit for the BLT Sandwich.

I think the pain of thinking about sexual assault for an entire weekend finally came out in those BLT sandwich tears and sobs. She just got to me, you know? And it’s like once I start crying, I cry about everything that I have needed to cry about for the past week. So it’s probably not even a sandwich issue!

It was like…a dollar something that she over charged me. I’m not poor enough that a dollar is life or death to me – it’s the principles of charging the right amount, and giving correct refunds that got me. I just HATE confrontation with a passion. I HATE being made to feel stupid.

Better Luck (Love) Tomorrow. BLT Sandwiches.

I will cry for 16 cents, but only if you know which buttons to push

And to top it all off, I just discovered that I spilt coffee on the course materials that I was planning to return to distance ed.
Fuck me.

In tears, I went to the furthest edge of the parking lots by residence, on the edge of a cliff, picked a couple handfuls of blackberries, and ate my BLT sandwich.

And wrote this.

And stared into the nothingness of the forest.

And now I feel very at peace.

Thinking back, the poor woman was trying to HELP me save two cents. Which is so cool now that I think about it…it just so happened that she couldn’t do math (but thought she could).

The one redeeming point of this story is that the BLT sandwich was really good.
Probably one of the best I’ve ever had.

Lucky.

Acting – January to March, 2008

Okay, so here’s a quick rundown of everything acting related that i’ve done since january 2008. There’s a point to this, i swear.

JANUARY 2008

Jan. 5 – Student film audition “The awkward ones” @ BCIT. Did horribly, i’ll admit. Didn’t book.
Jan. 8 – Student film audition “Post It” @ VFS Film Production. Got a callback.
Jan. 9th – Student film auditions “Boxes” and “MyiFace” @ VFS Film Production. Didn’t book.
Jan.14 – Started organizing VFS class 29 screening for agents and casting directors.
– Theatre Audition for “Brave New Play Rites” @ UBC. Didn’t book because there were no roles for my castable range but got positive feedback.
Jan. 15 – VFS Writing Department Port Shorts audition. Eventually booked 2 projects from that.
– Call back for “Post It”. Didn’t book.
Jan. 17 – More work on Grad screening.
Jan. 21 – General Audition with AshleyPark films. Got positive feedback.
– More work on Grad screening.
– Audition workshop in the evening.
Jan. 24- Modeled for a VFS Makeup department photoshoot.
Jan. 25 – Did 2 voiceover projects: one for VFS Classical Animation and one for VFS Sound Design.
Jan. 27 – Signed on to help design the set on “Twigs” @ Pacific Theatre.
Jan. 28 – Cold Read Night @ VFS Cafe.

FEBRUARY

Feb. 2 – Ultimate Audition Workshop
Feb. 3 – Ultimate Audition Workshop
Feb. 4 – Sent in a reading for a voiceover project. didn’t book.
Feb. 5 – Got 2 VFS Digital Design projects “Destiny” and “Horror”
– Did another DD voiceover audition. Didn’t book.
Feb. 8 – Student film audition @ VFS Film Production “Snap”. Didn’t book.
Feb. 9 – Filmed “Destiny” and “Horror”
Feb. 10 – Student film audition @ VFS Film Production “Bucket Kicker”. Didn’t book.
Feb. 12 – Mtg. with SFU student film director. Didn’t book – scheduling difficulties.
Feb. 15 – Volunteered at the Elan Awards.
Feb. 19 – Kodak 35mm Cinematography Workshop. Got to shoot on the set of Stargate Atlantis!
Feb. 20 – Kodak 35mm Cinematography Workshop. Shot at Kodak Vancouver office.
Feb. 21 – Kodak 35mm Cinematography Workshop. Toured Technicolor offices/lab.
Feb. 22 – Auditions for BC Cancer Agency print campaign
Feb. 24 – Rehearsal for “Holly Fields” VFS Writing port short
Feb. 25 – Stuff for “Twigs”
Feb. 26 – Printed out programs @ Kinkos. GRAD SCREENING DAY.
Feb. 28 – Filmed “Holly Fields”.

MARCH

Mar. 2 – Sound Cues for “Twigs”
– Filmed “Awkward Silence” VFS Port Short
Mar. 3 – Set Dec / Painting on “Twigs”
Mar. 4 – Ran around the city getting final set/costume stuff for “Twigs”
– Photoshoot for BC Cancer Agency. 1st PAID GIG! YAHOO!
Mar. 5 – Got a VFS 3D project.
– Tech Rehearsal for “Twigs”.
Mar. 6 – Photoshoot for BC Cancer Agency.
– “Exley” fundraiser @ Majestic
Mar. 7 – Prescreen @ Melissa & Larkin Casting.
– “Twigs” show run day 2.
Mar. 8 – Student film auditions @ VFS Film Production: “Ruby”, “Locked In”, “Lockdown Love”. Callbacks for 2 out of 3. Would go on to book on “Locked In” but again, a scheduling conflict. Boo.
– “Twigs” show run day 3.
Mar. 9 – Another audition for VFS 3D dept.
Mar. 11 – Callbacks for “Locked In” and “Ruby”.

Today is March 12th. Between all this I’m still trying to plan a wedding and do some bookkeeping work among other responsibilities.

Basically, right now for acting, it’s like searching for jobs that pay below minimum wage, every day of my life.

Sometimes it feels like things are hopeless but you keep having to go on, like when in early February I found out a friend had DIED. And there’s just no energy or will to prepare for auditions and you don’t care whether the world keeps turning. Or when you get sick and have to cancel everything for days on end. Or when you book parts but two projects are filming on the same day and the one that booked you earlier gets precedence and you can’t work on the one you REALLY WANTED TO WORK ON. Or when you plan this grand screening and only a few people show up.

And then there are the little things that make a world of  difference – when people call to say that they liked your performance and wish they could cast you even though they don’t have a part for you at this time. When people call you and cast you. When you get a callback. When people say they’re a fan of you already. When people believe that you might have what it takes to make it. When people wish they could pay you more but can’t. When casting people are nice. When writers and directors write you smaller parts in their movie from scratch because you’re not quite right for the lead but they want you in their movie anyway. When people just cast you for no apparent reason. When you feel good coming out of an audition because you know you’ve done your best work. When you get callbacks even though you thought your initial audition sucked. When you get paid for work. When you get to IMPROV in auditions (That rocks my socks, lemme tell you that. What fun!). When you have a hearty laugh attack with the rest of the crew during a long day’s work. When you realize the magic of theatre. When people show up to watch or see your work.

“If the art doesn’t make you happy, the biz never will.”

Long live art

is my battlecry.

One day my work will pay off, and if it doesn’t, i’ll be happy trying.

Nudity and acting…need your opinion.

I got a call from my agent today, saying that he had submitted me for a role in “SCREAMERS 2″, but then a revised breakdown came out, saying that the actor had to be comfortable with nudity above the waist. ( i looked up the screamers series, it’s some scifi thing…that i obviously haven’t watched, but will hop down to rogers and rent right now )*EDIT: I just called both D-video and Rogers Video, and neither of them have the original “Screamers” in stock or even in their computer systems…END EDIT*

Okay. I’m pretty comfortable with my body. VFS has done that to me. Tasteful sensuality in some deep heartwrenching life changing drama, maybe. Apparently Screamers the original was good? That was back in the 90’s though…

It’s listed on Casting Workbook as a “Cable Feature”.

I could be missing out, and that sucks, but I said no.

I don’t know if this is how I want to start my career.

Thoughts, anybody? Has anybody watched the original movie? What did you think?

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