May 11, 2013 – Dear Baby Girl…

Dear Baby E,

You are five months old, and tomorrow will be my first Mother’s Day.

I have been thinking about what I want you to know, should for some reason, I die before you can remember me.

You have changed my world. Completely.

I love seeing you grow a little bit more, every day.

Everything you do and learn fascinates me to no end. Like all of a sudden, one day, you reached for a toy. Suddenly you learned how to play with toys. Like when you learned how to laugh and the sound changed from the bleating of a sick baby sheep to a chuckle, then two, then fits of giggles and even an occasional squeal and how when you giggle too hard you always get the hiccups. Like how on your 5 month birthday, you supported yourself sitting with your hands on the bed, and suddenly you could sit by yourself. Stuff like that.

I will do anything to make you smile. Your smile lights up my whole world.

I love you so much, and every day I have loved you as much as I can.

My hope is that you will grow up to be a loving, caring, strong, and independent woman who makes wise choices most of the time.

I hope you will not hurt too much along the way.

I hope that you’ll know that you can always talk to me about anything that’s on your mind, and that no matter what, I will always have a hug waiting for you.

I want you to know that it’s okay to make mistakes, but that when mistakes happen, it’s best to be honest about them, and then care for all those who were involved.

I promise to teach you healthy coping strategies, for when you feel overwhelmed – when the world seems unjust and you feel like you can’t deal with it anymore.

I wish for you to know hunger, poverty, disease, and tragedy only enough that you remember to be thankful for every day that you have enough, and that enough is plenty.

I wish for you a little more than enough, just for fun.

I wish you lots of fun that doesn’t cost anything at all.

I wish for you never-ending curiosity about the world around you. To always wonder why.

I wish for you one day to have a daughter of your own, so that you can experience what I feel right now…so much more love than I thought was possible, and the crushing fear and anxiety that these happy, blissful days could for some reason suddenly come to an end. It’s terrifying.

I think you are pretty much the best thing ever.

I get tired and grumpy and so do you, but in between, we have some grand ol’ times together. Especially when daddy’s home! We three are a little family and it makes my heart bubble with joy when we are all together.

I love you so much. I have loved you every day as much as I can, as much as I know how. I always will. I just want you to know that.

Hugs and kisses,
Mommy.

March 23, 2013 – Bench Pressing the Kid

So I was watching The Biggest Loser finale tonight because it was just … on.

I’m feeling all inspired like I can lose these last 5-10-15 lbs of pregnancy weight so I start doing squats using baby E as my weight.

Then I bench press her.

Then she throws up.

Almost in my mouth.

 

Blech. That was close.

March 22, 2013 – Snow on a Spring Day

I realized that it’s been just over a full year since I posted about a last day of winter snow on March 19th, 2012. This year, we got snow on March 22nd, 2013. Lots in Coquitlam and on Burnaby mountain, but just slushy rain on my walk today with baby E. 

So cycles are cycles are cycles but how quickly we forget.

I’m journalling my journey in a real book this year – a physical memento to pass on to my daughter if/when she has her first child. Inspired by the notebooks my mom gave to me when baby E was born. She kept track of every diaper change and feeding for the first year of my life, which I think is a little OCD and insane, but I love nonetheless. I prefer to write about what neat things are happening that I will most undoubtedly forget – the little and the large memories, because my memory is about as permeable as swiss cheese, the way it has always been. 

And now, some cookies: 

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what I have been up to lately

There’s a new woman in my life, and she’s about two feet tall and 15 weeks old. She is currently taking a nap.

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Naps were invented for parents.

It seems like just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant on Good Friday, 2012. Holy moly. It has been a really big year, and the best one of my life thus far, and I dare say 2013 will be even better.

I will say that I am going back to school in September to start my MA in Linguistics at Simon Fraser University after having deferred my admission for a year to have a baby.

How is momming, you might wonder?

It can be summed up in two words: joyful tedium. The essentials are easy but it’s the entertaining of a wakeful child that is really tough. Read a book: 2 minutes. Sing a song: 2 minutes. Patty cake: 2 minutes. Now what?

Anyway, I suspect the curious child may be awake again, or if not, will be soon.

Until tomorrow,

xoxo
Beverly

Prenatal / Labour & Delivery / Maternity Ward Tour @ Royal Columbian Hospital

I’m pretty darn pregnant with my first baby (35 weeks) at present. Went to the prenatal tour offered at Royal Columbian Hospital (RCH) today in New Westminster, BC. Great experience, so I want to share with you the details in case you’re looking to give birth at RCH as well.

Here’s the booking information I got from my doctor:

PRENATAL TOURS & PRE-REGISTRATION: Prenatal tours/Information sessions are available for you and your partner, usually when you are approximately 30-34 weeks. Space is limited, so please call to book when you are approximately 25 weeks. Please call 604-520-4956 between 9:00am and 4:00pm Monday to Friday. The hospital fee for tours is $25.00 per couple

The tour met today (Thursday) at 5:30 pm on the main floor lobby of RCH by the lottery stand. There were about 10 couples on the tour. The nurse who does the tours is named Jeanine (or maybe Jeanne?)…and she is GREAT. She has worked the labour/delivery unit at RCH for 35 years, and is now a lactation consultant in the maternity ward there. Her tour was very thorough, and she was clear and concise in all her explanations. Made my other 4 week prenatal class seem like a waste of time!

First, she explained that first, you call your doctor or midwife to let them know that you’re in labour. Then, when you come to the hospital in active labour, you go to patient admitting and register. The person driving you to the hospital can drop you off right outside admitting (by the emergency entrance) and go park the car. The best parking lot with no time restrictions (unlike the staff parking lot and street parking) is just west of the hospital where the daily maximum is $8.75. THEN you head up to Labour & Delivery. So we went up to the 2nd floor to visit the Labour & Delivery unit. We passed by the neonatal intensive care unit on our way to the assessment and birthing rooms.

In L&D, the first thing in the hallway is the ice/water machine, toaster and microwave, and the placenta fridge! The food fridge is further down the hall – no food in the placenta fridge! Yes, I am planning on getting my placenta encapsulated, so I will be making use of this fridge. The food fridge is for food you bring for yourself and your partner. They don’t feed any of your labour support team – delivering moms get fed 3x per day, but no one else – so it is imperative that you bring food so your husband or support person doesn’t get cranky.

Next, we went past the assessment room where they bring you after you have been admitted. They do an exam to check the progress of your labour and dilation etc. If you’re not in active labour, they’ll send you home for a while. Otherwise, they set you up in a birthing room. Note: if you have a midwife, you might skip the assessment room because your midwife will probably have assessed you at home before you decided to head to the hospital.

Then we all went into one of the birthing rooms. It’s not a terribly cozy scenario, but functional and clean. They have a variety of birth accessories there – birthing stools, birthing bars, birth balls, mirrors, and really encourage changing positions to help labour progress. Each room is also equipped with a shower (some rooms have bathtubs – request one upon admission and they will do their best to get you into a room with a tub if one is available). Labour partner should bring a swimsuit. She advised moms to stick with wearing the hospital gowns (they give you one for the front and one for the back so you’re all covered up if you need to walk around). If you bring your own gowns, make sure they’re really ratty – apparently they’ll get totally destroyed in the birthing process. There is a full sized (like high school) locker in this room – you need to bring your own padlock.

Then came the talk about pain control procedures. At RCH, the nurses will work with you to try to manage your pain first with acupressure, massage, breathing, showers, etc., but if you do need more, they will be there to help you make informed decisions. They offer nitrous oxide, morphine, fentanyl, and epidurals, and apparently each of them can only be applied during a certain window of your labour. I’m personally hoping that I don’t have to get an epidural, because I just don’t like the idea of not being able to stand up and walk around. But it’s nice to know it’s available if I need it.

If you need a cesarean section, one interesting thing is that in the last few years, they’ve changed their procedures so that after the surgery, instead of whisking mom off to the recovery room and baby and labour partner to another room, they try to regroup everyone back in one delivery room to recover if possible, and apparently, they are now able to do this in 75% of their cases. Sounds much nicer.

Then when the baby is born, they encourage immediate skin to skin contact on the mom’s chest and breastfeeding right away. They’ll dry off baby with a warm towel placed on mom’s chest. Interestingly, they don’t dry baby’s hands! Apparently amniotic fluid smells like colostrum, and the smell on their hands helps them find their first meal. Also, it was nice to find out that not all babies latch right away, so a couple hours before the first feed is normal as well. Labour partners are welcome to cut the baby’s umbilical cord if they so wish.

There’s a heat lamp and some fancy looking equipment on the other side of the birthing room so they can take care of baby in case he/she is in distress of any kind after the birth. They must also do a thorough assessment of baby before you are released from L&D.

Then we went up to the postpartum/maternity unit on the 3rd floor and visited the kitchen and one of the semi-private recovery rooms. They do 24 hour rooming in for baby and mom – they don’t whisk baby away to the nursery like they used to! There are cots available for semi-private and private rooms for your significant other to sleep on, but they have to bring their own sleeping bag. No cots are permitted in the 4-bed wards and SO has to sleep in a chair. Private rooms are $195 per night, semi-private $165, and is worth it if you have extended medical coverage (or don’t mind paying). The basic 4-bed ward is covered under your basic BC medical insurance. There are also lockers in these recovery rooms.

So the average stay for moms after vaginal birth is 24-48 hours, and 2-3 days after a c-section (not counting day of surgery). Again, they’ll feed mom 3x per day, but bring your own snacks! During this time, there are daily lactation classes at 10am, and a nurse will come in to your room to teach you how to bathe the baby. A hearing specialist will also come in to check baby’s hearing. They’ll make sure baby is properly secured in a CANADIAN certified car seat before you are discharged from the hospital.

And then finally Jeanine discussed all the procedures for SAM (self-administered medication), and wristbands for mom, significant other, and baby (x2), the little starter pack you get with 6 newborn diapers (ie. bring your own stash), some maxi pads (again, bring your own stash), a squirt bottle, and fun stuff like that. She also talked about the BC published Baby’s Best Chance guide as the one thing that you should definitely read during pregnancy that you should have picked up from the public health unit (mine actually got mailed to me!) as it is chock full of up to date and easy to understand info that is relevant to giving birth in BC.

Finally, she collects your $25 per couple fee (cash preferred, I paid by cheque payable to Fraser Health), and helps you complete your hospital pre-registration if you haven’t already registered.

So in summary, if you are considering giving birth at Royal Columbian Hospital, I’d HIGHLY recommend signing up for the prenatal tour. It was really a great tour. I feel much more confident now that I know the lay of the land a bit more so I won’t be anxiously wandering around the hospital wondering where to go when I’m in labour. Also, they seem to be well balanced with all the latest labour and postpartum and breastfeeding practices, which I like. Also, I’ve known two other families who have given birth at RCH, who have nothing but the highest praise for the care they received during labour/delivery/postpartum and recommended birthing there without hesitation. 

I’m not really into the whole homebirth-with-midwife scenario because I’m not comfortable with being even 10 minutes’ drive away from RCH if I happen to have sudden life-threatening complications. But that’s just me. I know plenty of people have had really pleasant and safe homebirth experiences but for this birth, it’s just not something I want to do.

So yes. Less than 5 weeks to go before baby girl arrives! I’m excited to face the whole challenge of labour and delivery. In some odd, perhaps sadomasochistic way, I really enjoy pushing my limits to see what I can physically accomplish. I used to row, and know what it feels like to push myself through muscles screaming 3/4 through a race or a time trial, still push through tunnel vision where everything else fades, you think you’re probably about to faint, and it’s just you and your goal. I’ve run a marathon without giving in to the temptation of walking, so I know what it feels like to be at mile 20, completely exhausted with aching joints, and break down crying over the thought at how brave Terry Fox must’ve been to do a marathon every single day, then keep going. It’s really neat to feel like you’re on the edge, that you’re really living. So in the same way, I hope to be able to experience a natural vaginal birth with baby girl, even though I know it’s probably going to…um…hurt.

July 13, 2012 – Upon a Mid-Night Awakening

13 July 2012 2am upon a mid-night awakening

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray in dreams my soul will keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray my dreams will forever take
Me to nowhere land

Where never before
Have dreams come true
What is truly nonsense
Feels like nothing new

Where everything that ever was
Will stay that way
And foggy days seem
just yesterday

That sinking feeling falling
Freely backwards heels overhead
Oblivion a twitch too close
Reality a hair too real

Fend off the predators
Fall madly in love
Make the unlikeliest of friends
Or all of the above

Such that it can’t be true
I would never believe you.

Just synchronization
Of day and night
Dear, it is alright
Dear, it is all right.

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July 5th, 2012 – Rough Cut

So I got to see the rough cut of FANTOMES for the first time today. Weird. Just cannot get used to seeing myself on camera.

So the one liner description of the film goes something like this: “Fantomes — about a black ops agent dealing with her unexpected pregnancy while on a routine job with her partner. Directed by Nik Green of Global Authority Media. Produced by Nik Green (Global Authority) & Yvette Lu of Rainfield Films. DOP Shane Smith of Red Salt Productions.”

And back to real life, where though I am not editing the film, I am still editing video for my project at the LABlab. EDIT ALL THE THINGS!!!

And now, a screenshot of my character, Amber, looking pensive:

FANTOMES: Amber | Global Authority Films | Rainfield Films | 2012

FANTOMES: Amber | Global Authority Films & Rainfield Films | 2012

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